Weighing In On Weighing In: Roller Coaster Recap

When I stepped back from my writing, art, and blogging I also stepped back posting my journey losing weight. During this time (still struggling to find time to write/post), I was still dieting and trying to find my magic number of activity points and food points. THIS IS NOT WHERE PEOPLE NEED TO STOP READING AND DIET SHAME. This is a roller coaster recap because I experienced a significant weight gain and made I was capable to examine that week for possible causes. Let’s start the next week following the point when I stopped posting which was Week 20 weigh-in was 177lbs.

  • WEEK 21 10/18: 176lbs
  • WEEK 22 10/25: 178lbs
  • WEEK 23 11/1: 175lbs
  • TODAY WEEK 24 11/8: 172lbs

Can you see wk 22? I gained 2lbs and the following week I lost the 2 that I gained plus another one. This is what I think happened. STRESS! I wasn’t intaking more calories and my exercise level even though it was less than normal, was still the same. The only difference that week was the stress at my job.  The run down. I was asked to complete a very large project. I started with a layout example that took 3 weeks to put together for a first draft. I sent the piece to my hiring supervisor and he said, ‘I don’t like it. It’s ugly.’ Instead of snapping back I told him ok, what would you like to see in edits. He gave me a list and before the conversation was over I asked him some questions to ask the other members of the team.  End conversation, begin my rant to my co-worker, layout #2 in beginning. The edits were easy enough just tedious and I received an email from the hiring supervisor that answered the questions I had concerning the informational copy. With the questions being answered, I realized it would change the layout AGAIN. I know this is long but follow me. I emailed a rough layout of what a page layout would look like-which is now different from the edits asked to be made (and now version 3).

I did something radical. Something SO unheard of that I should have been SHOT. Well, at least that’s what it felt like after my actions. I involved the OTHER team members. You would think doing an adult action such as this would be praised but it was the complete opposite. Other members involved caused my hiring supervisor to stomp his feet and QUIT the team! A week later, he took away my multimedia design project we were launching on Facebook. The reason he hired me he took away but without telling me. He just started doing everything. Heartbroken and probably the lowest I EVER felt with my career I was 2 seconds from quitting and applying at Walmart. Instead, I am now looking into other jobs and trying to figure out how to work from home.

Why the long explanation? Well, I’m afraid no one would understand the gravity and to lead into STRESS can wreak havoc on a diet. The next week I lost and still losing. He’ll be on site the week of Thanksgiving and need to figure out how to make myself scarce.

The Goodies

I have been changing things up to help with continual weight loss. I have tried a Buffalo Chicken salad. This is now my GO TO salad. Basically, you’re going to need mixed greens (iceberg is a must), finely chopped celery, chopped cucumber, chopped green onion, chopped carrots, chicken breast (3 ounces),  1 tablespoon of buffalo wing sauce (I found that Sweet Baby Ray’s brand is 1 point per tablespoon), and a couple of spoonfuls of my Ranch Greek Yogurt DipMix the dip and wing sauce together and pour over all your salad goodies and YUM! I wanted to add Bleu cheese but unfortunately, my store doesn’t carry it. Or at least it was out of stock when I went. If you do add the cheese and watching your waistline like I am, only a tablespoon. The Yogurt dip is only two ingredients: plain non-fat Greek yogurt and a tablespoon of dry ranch dressing mix.

I also enjoyed a BBQ chicken pizza using flat-out bread, chicken breast, sugar-free BBQ sauce, fat-free cheddar cheese, and red onion. The entire thing was only 3 points and I couldn’t even finish it. I was also adding pumpkin to my quick 0 point chili and cream of wheat. This was filling and added extra fiber and flavor. Also, a simple shrimp, cucumber, and dill salad. This was shrimp chopped, cucumber chopped, green onion chopped, dill chopped, a tablespoon of light mayo, 2 tablespoons of non-fat Greek yogurt. Mix and YUM! I usually have a slice of 45 calorie wheat bread.

Week to come goals: find another job prefer one to be online, be more active, and try to not stress. 30 pounds are gone and hoping to lose more this week. Happy Thursday everyone!

May 3, 2018

Dear Journal (and everyone that reads),

I thought I was doing great the past few weeks with only minor pangs of anxiety and one night of flashbacks. I survived the A to Z blogging challenge and set out a new goal for a novella that I would like to publish. I haven’t written or did anything on that since my goal but I’m ok with that as I have time this weekend to write. I have been enjoying my new doodle and watercolor challenges. It’s my zen place.

Today everything seems off. I haven’t written or read anything. I had plans to go and exchange some things but have canceled. I have been reduced to slipping on yoga pants and starting dinner. I refuse to crawl into bed and just lose composure-I know I’ll lay there for days. I was misled by pretty words today by someone that people are supposed to trust. I have been having issues with a woman that has the biggest head on her shoulders. Her inflated sense of entitlement I have confronted many times. She seems to have everyone wrapped around her fingers but I refuse to conform. I will argue with her when she’s wrong with anything marketing or graphic design-wise. The company hired me to bring in those elements of knowledge. I was hired under the impression that I was a team member but have been treated as an outcast. I’m not the only educated individual they have done this too but she, she makes my career life hell and goes out of her way to do so.

Today, instead she sent one of the owners (CEO) of the company to come and do her evil bidding. He used words like and phrases like, ‘collaboration, your expertise, eye for creativity and detail, and what you bring to the table.’ All pretty and promising words. Ones that made me think he actually did his job, knocked her down a peg and educated her that she needs to be able to work with other. I agreed that I could collaborate and work with her. She brought in a piece of paper, ‘Do this, what’s in this example.’ And left. Finding another graphic design job, in my area, for what little I am getting paid is proving to be difficult. I have never felt so ostracised by the company…the owner of the company. What’s the point in me being there? Am her personal assistant or do I work for the company? The ONLY thing I did was worked a program and made a document specification requested. I didn’t bring anything creative to the table, just regurgitated another version of an ad that SHE saw from last year. It was a bad ad done by a small company and elements of the ad were from the 90’s. How can I keep us going forward when she keeps us in the back.

I feel used, lied to, unappreciated as a graphic designer, and made to feel like I’m beneath everyone as a human. What’s the point? My anxiety was horrible (I would go to the bathroom just to sit and rock) and the feeling of being worthless is overwhelming. So, For now, I’m going to finish cooking dinner and do some painting trying not to give into the sinking feeling. The darkness that feels like a protective friend but isn’t. I may just call in tomorrow.

Words of advice-Try and see through the pretty words, it will prepare you for the lies beneath.

Random Doodle Do’s and Ugh’s

I didn’t post my daily doodle yesterday. I was exhausted but not from physical work. I’m beginning to think that what they hired me to do at my daily job-I’ll never do. But what I am required to do is to be the designated individual this certain person throws under the bus because she failed to get her part of ANYTHING done. Luck was on her side. I didn’t pick up a cigarette due to stress but decided that I want to stay smoke-free. I instead walked away. I was close to just decking her in the jaw but then that would be the southern roughneck behavior they all expect to see. If she doesn’t communicate what she really wants then I’ll give her exactly what she asks for. Only, the last time I did that she started informing the office what an idiot I was. A supervisor had to step in an remind her that I can’t look at her butt and read her mind. She needs to communicate better. Oh, did that ever piss her off! I have a romance to write today and hopefully work goes well.

Random Doodle Words:
4/19-Luck
4/20-Communication

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

March 28th, 2018

Today was a great coming out of the gate. I made it into work on time and in a positive frame of mind. Then I found out what was really being said about me and was told that I act like an adult and the ‘persons’ responsible are acting like children. That’s great and all but I’m the anxious over-thinker worried about losing my job over untruthful BS. So, I wrote my short story and felt better…loads better. The story was fun and I tried to turn the prompt into something no one expected.

Then there were meetings and of course, I’m sitting across from the forked-tongued individuals. No eye contact was made but the tension was clearly visible. I did, however, thrive in the meeting which I’m afraid only made worse. They were talking a design and coding language that I understand and could speak back. Then they were later showed my computer station where I was able to be the geek that I am explaining what I do and how I do it.

Now for my good stuff of the day. I think I need to start thinking about the positive elements of my day to help keep the negative from playing over and over in my head. I was nominated for two more blogging awards which I will curate those blogs Friday. SUPER excited about those and I will thank those people again and give them the recognition they deserve. And I have decided to participate in the A to Z challenge! I know it’s a big bite to take but I thought since I want to also participate in the NANO month challenge it would be a great exercise. I have been able to write my 6-word stories, daily doodles and even write short stories through other prompts why not actually plan something and work on it.

A to Z needs a theme. I have decided to add a page to the site just for this but can also add other challenges I decided to do. So I will be working on that this week as well. It makes me feel good to think about writing and things like this. I will also start my alphabet journal the same day as my challenge begins. That’s my start date and should end the same time as my challenge. I am still going to try to also keep up with my daily doodles and 6-word stories.

RECAP LIST

  • A web page for  the A-Z challenge (Need to figure out theme and category)
  • Alphabet watercolor journal (animals, foods, flowers, colors…buildings?)
  • Award Posts

All in all the blog, art, writing, and the music I listen to help me through the anxiety and depressive states from outside individuals that feel my C-PTSD isn’t real. I wish they could spend a day in my brain. So, off to do my doodle and some research. Thanks for reading Y’all.

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: