Update About Me

Last night for Valentine’s day as you may know from my last 365 Day project post that the evening was spent in the ER. I have been having a really bad week in a toxic work environment that it finally caught up with me. It was after lunch yesterday that I had to deal with a coworker treating me like I was beneath him and talked down to me about a subject that he knew nothing about NOR would he listen to what I was trying to say. Ultimately, in the end, he learned that I was right (I’ve only been doing graphics for the company for over two years and he’s worked there less than 6 months). This prompted unpleasant behavior on both our parts. I refused to talk to him and he refused to be a decent human being.

After that little spat, my abdomen started hurting. Not like, ‘Oh ouch…I ate too much food’. It was, ‘I’m going to die here at my desk because my appendix just burst,’ pain. I had an hour and 45 minutes left of my day and sat there in pain doing graphics and dealing with people that could care less about me. I made it home and still, I stubbornly refused a trip to the walk-in clinic. My son had a little class recital and promised that I would see him sing. That’s when I felt a pop and decided that I should probably get looked at. Got to the clinic and because my symptoms weren’t a direct tell-all of what was going on I had a first class ride in a wheelchair to the ER side of the building.

They were polite and asked, ‘Have you left the country recently? Has someone visited you from another country recently?’ Me still having some humor still left in me, ‘Yes, I just got back from the Congo.’ Y’ALL! You could physically see this woman cease breathing and step back. I laughed then started crying because it hurt to laugh when my husband chimed in that I was kidding.

After blood work and scans, the ER doc made it to where I could run see my son sing and come back. Luckily my longsleeved jacket hid the IV port. I got back to the ER got my pain and anti-nausea meds when we all learned that I have ulcers and inflamed intestines. I haven’t had these in almost 12 years. The last time was when I was in an abusive relationship trying to figure out how to leave him and raise kids. The ER doc prescribed more meds and I have a follow-up appointment with my family doctor. I just need to watch for blood and if any is seen then I need to head STRAIGHT back. Then he lectured me about stress and trying to find a different job to breathing exercises.

So, here I am Friday evening, my stomach killing me trying to catch up on EVERYTHING. To top it off my comments are missing here in WP along with other notifications. Please, everyone, bare with me as I try to navigate things. And THANK YOU, EVERYONE, for the well wishes 🙂 It means a lot!

Two Weeks Rejected

I had a super difficult morning trying to get to work and I couldn’t even write before getting ready. Luckily, I had a friend send her husband back by my house to take me into work because the car was stuck IN MY DRIVEWAY! Yay snow! Then when I get to work it only got worse as I tried to adjust my attitude. The office staff, on in particular treats me like I’m beneath him. It was so bad in fact that my nose started bleeding and I was able to make it to my supervisor’s office before the panic attack set in.

There I told him enough was enough. I can no longer work in an environment like this, I no longer care about my job which I was once so passionate about, and I’m not in a good state of mind after a couple of weeks of everything I’ve endured here. I told him unapologetically that this is my two-week notice. And he said hold on to that because I have big plans for you. WTF! Did he not hear me? Mentally, this place is no longer good for me. My blood pressure and anxiety are through the roof.

I ignored emails and the people in the office for about 30 minutes so I could do this little vector up. Something to remind me to love myself. Why can’t I freelance from home? Oh yeah, not in this small town. It’s almost time to leave so I’m going to go home and think about what I’m going to do for my photo project tonight since we have over a foot of snow on the ground. Thanks for letting me rant.

Instead of working…growth

Today, I came into work allowing myself 5 minutes to clock in before I would be considered late. Let me tell you, it felt SO good to cook an awesome lunch this morning then to ACTUALLY sit and enjoy my breakfast. I said my good mornings, made small talk when prompted and did my job (so far, the day isn’t over yet). I’m not stressed nor did I go out of my way to do all the extra things I normally do for a company that catfished me into doing a job that they never intended for me to do.

Instead of working today I found some tutorials for Adobe and have been working my way through them. It was SO FUN! And the bonus part is because I really didn’t care how well I did my job I’m not as stressed. I did and then moved on.

I’m thoroughly in LOVE with the flat and low poly art. I can’t wait until I get comfortable enough to really venture out and stretch my graphic design legs. Happy Friday guys!

A Quick Daily Study: Stanza 22

Normally I don’t have time to do a quick study on Fridays because I’m trying to figure out what to write for my short story PLUS get ready for work. Well, yesterday was such a bad day that I no longer care to put in extra effort in showing up early, being prepared, or going the extra mile. Nope. I’m going to go and do my job which is now doesn’t HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH MY JOB DESCRIPTION! You guessed it. The company allowed a CSR to create graphics for a newsletter and it is something even I WOULDN’T have done in my first year of college! I’m now just an illustrator operator. So, I’m making me a fancy lunch (that’ll take an hour or so) and I’m going to go through stanza 22.

Pocket Translation:

A miserable man, and ill-conditioned,
sneers at everything: one thing he knows
not, which he ought to know, that he is not
free from faults.

Terry:

An evil-tempered, small-minded man
is scornful of what he sees;
he alone is unaware
that he’s not free from faults.

Well, shit. This stanza almost seems fitting for my situation but not entirely. I’m miserable because of the position that I have been placed in. True, I could’ve spoken up about the newsletter but was opted out. There wasn’t a team effort or any collaboration. I know my own faults and work on them daily. However, this stanza, I believe is referring to people who mock others who have issues of their own they need to work on. I didn’t sneer the entire day nor did I bad mouth what has happened to me. I wasn’t mean just quiet. Instead, I did my job and went home. That is exactly what will happen today.

Happy Friday guys!

A Quick Daily Study: Stanza 3

It was a crazy morning by my own design of course. I past out early last night that left me up and awake until 1 am which surprise surprise, I overslept. I made a half ass attempt at a decent lunch with a resulted wrap that could have used some help. But it was food and I was starving.

Work, on the other hand, was something strange for me. It was exactly what I expected when I was first hired. I actually get to do the job that I was hired to do and not to sit in the art room and collect dust. Who would have thought that the person that hired me was the reason why I was negative or the reason why I wasn’t allowed to do ANY marketing? Long story short (I’m going to give a try for being a southern girl), we had our first marketing meeting without my hiring manager there (the one that dipped on doing any marketing) and my ideas were well received! Not only that, when I started speaking about stats and campaigns and how it would cost them little to nothing it was like a light bulb went on for them. They just learned of the gem that they’ve had sitting being useless. Great meeting and I was in a great mood for the rest of the day.

I’m tired but really want to understand the Hávamál (words to live by and advice) and I’m not going to do that by just sitting here. I’m currently eating a Weight Watcher’s approved TV dinner and doing some research.

Stanza 3 (Hollander Translation):

The warmth seeketh who hath wandered long
and is numb about the knees;
meat and dry clothes the man needeth
over the fells who hath fared.

Pocker Version:

Fire is needful to him who is come in,
and whose knees are frozen; food and raiment
a man requires, wheo’er the fell has travelled.

First off my grammar program is having a fit over this and it’s kind of funny. Second…huh? But after breaking it down…hun this is what I was raised on. Southern Hospitality. But for this, it’s hospitality at its best. I was always taught to make enough food for an extra person in case one should just show up out of the blue. It’s a habit that has stuck with me. This is saying a guest shows up and needs shelter, food, warmth and comfortable clothing. Unfortunately, I think this has fallen to the wayside quite a bit this day and age but I noticed small things that my kids do that is leading them down the right path.

So from this stanza, I take away being a great hospitable host to guests that may stop by.

 

 

Another Weekend-Another Year

There is something to be said about being productive on a Saturday morning. All week I’m drained by my day job and then come home to get my day to day done. It can be draining. Trying to explain to my husband that physical tiredness is different from mental tiredness. There isn’t any amount of sleep that can help recoup from being mentally tire. I woke up early and decided that I was going to be good to myself and got on the treadmill. I didn’t make it the 30 minutes that I wanted but I did make an effort. I spoiled myself with oatmeal and banana but also took the time to apply for more jobs. I wrote personal cover letters and summaries for each application. Then it was off to fetch groceries and fill the car up ALL before the snow storm system moved in. Once home I completed some of my web development course. It’s amazing how much came back to me after years of not coding. Sunday was my ‘lazy’ day. Since my birthday is today and I have to go to work I laid in bed watching Netflix. I cooked an awesome dinner and watched Christmas shows with my family. I couldn’t have spent an early birthday any better.

Today I will order cookies for a belated birthday treat for my coworkers tomorrow. As much as I would like to forget I’m turning a year older, we do not have a bakery in my town. The business that bakes fresh cookies only does it during the week because they don’t run oven during weekend hours. I’m ok with that. I debated on treating my coworkers but they haven’t really been that awful towards me, it’s management. So today I contemplate opening another Twitter account to accompany my graphic artist portfolio or one for my blog. Happy Monday everyone…let’s kill it!

This is a stippling doodle I did at work on Friday. It felt good to doodle again. I do have to replace my pens and markers because the dogs ‘plucked’ my art bag out of my purse that was sitting on my bed and demolished them. I will slowly replace them a little at a time.

Friday’s Corner

It’s Friday! Made it through another week. I’ve had hardly any work to do but since everything is blocked on the internet I’m left sitting playing solitaire on the computer. I had people express their sympathy for how I’m being treated and that it hasn’t gone unnoticed but that’s not going to change the fact that I’m looking for another job. I had two emails from employers, ‘we are going ahead with our process’ or ‘we feel another candidate would be better suited.’ I’m just hoping that my current employer has given a bad reference. Why would they? I’m bringing my doodle book and some other stuff to keep me occupied.

I wrote a little short story. It’s nothing much but it was enough to get me excited about writing again. Happy Friday!

Corner Watcher

For years she played with Gemma. They were inseparable just as a girl and friend should be. Then her Gemma grew apart having less in common. Gemma sits on a chair in the corner of her friend’s room, watching as she made plans and growing up.
She sat in that corner for years watching her friend grow up into a young woman.
She watched triumphs and trophies, first loves and heartbreaks. She watched fights with her parents and life learned lessons. Through the years Gemma noticed an unknown shadow slowly get closer to her friend’s window. At first, Gemma didn’t think anything of it but grew concerned when she could see that the shadow had human characteristics. She wanted to scream at her once forever friend about the danger lurking outside. One night her friend was woken by the sound of broken glass. Gemma could see the figure was now in the room and her friend was making an escape. Gemma glared the man down as he hurriedly left out the window he broke through. The father came in the room with a 911 operator on the floor, ‘Yes, I think we’ll be able to identify the intruder,’ as he picked up Gemma from her corner chair. As usual, Gemma saw everything sitting in the corner. The triumphs, heartbreaks, plans being made and thanks to the little nanny came, she also saw the intruder.

Tuesday?

Coming back from what was supposed to be a relaxing weekend to work was a shift in mood. I get back to my computer, ready to work, and my computer is covered differently. Jon, the IT guy was on it over the holiday. Much rather like a mother disguising ‘cleaning’ her child’s room only to really be snooping. When I got my machine booted up and running that’s when I noticed that there were icons missing including the one for my resume folder. WTF! I also couldn’t access some basic networking sites such as LinkedIn. What could I possibly do on that site that would be detrimental to the company? Oh, wait. Possibly find another job. Then I try to go to my dashboard for my blogs and it’s now blocked! I’m pretty much or better yet, definitely all caught up on work so I will be using a pen and pad of paper to write and will come home and finish posting. Happy Tuesday everyone! Let’s stay positive and get through the day. The picture just made me smile so I thought I would re-post it.

Equality is in the eye of the owner…

It’s no surprise that I have been struggling with the employer/company that I am with. I can’t tell you how many times I heard from one of the company’s owners, ‘promote unity’ or seen signs referring to ‘equality’ but I saw first hand that is ALL a bunch of bull. I’m one of those people that say, ‘Don’t piss on my head and tell me it’s raining.’ Crude statement? Sure, but it’s as blunt as I can put it because people don’t seem to understand don’t dress up an ugly situation (inequality, rudeness, etc…) to make it pretty. Pretty much quit lying.

My kids’ school has what they call a late start. This is just what it sounds like. The school offers a program that the parent has to pay to use if they cannot find alternative supervision or arrangements for their children. My son forgot one morning that it was a late start and left for school. The older siblings forgot as well but decided to go to breakfast with their friends. This is where my son chose to go to the school’s ‘before’ school program and in turn, the school sent me a bill. Insert most dramatic eye roll while paying a bill. The school promotes late start but can make money if the parents can’t make other arrangements. See what happened there? Now the kids and I have our reminders set and it sounds like a bomb is fixin’ to detonate those mornings.

This week, I was walking into the office to return color-up request paperwork when I saw a young child around my son’s age sitting next to one of our CSRs. Me being the nosey person I asked if he belonged to her and if everything is OK. She is one of the individuals that I don’t mind going the extra mile for as she has done the same for me. Here we are, during work hours, her son sits and she also gets to leave to take him to school on the late start morning.

EVERY MOTHER in that place has had to make special arrangements right down to missing work to take care of their children. Why was she allowed to be the one person that’s allowed to bring her child and then leave 2 hours later to take him to school? Then I realized that equality is in the eye of the company’s owner. I didn’t directly take my anger and frustration out on her but I definitely didn’t go out of my way for custom work. So much so that I made her do her job and ask the client for the original work.

What does one do in that situation?

Still working on building my portfolio…

 

Happy Friday Everyone

This is a doodle from my Inktober failure. It brings a smile to my face and thought it would for y’all too.

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