This past weekend was full of highs and lows. With anxiety and the types of thoughts that I have the highs and lows are emphasized. The painting night with the women in the kindred was great and it really made me miss painting and drawing. Plans changed and I ended up not staying the night but neither did anyone else which understandable upset our host. It’s still nagging at me to the point of tears and I feel like one of the worst people that were there. The painting was my 365 Day project image. Unfortunately, us girls weren’t done until almost midnight so with it being so late I didn’t post the image.
This also brings me to a bad flashback of having to give things up for a motorcycle. When my husband was becoming part of the motorcycle club he needed a bike. The only funds that we had were the ones I put away for my bachelor’s in graphic arts. Instead of getting my degree (and settling on my AAS), he got a bike. It’s taken a long time for me to get right with what I gave up and the why. Well, I’ve been putting money back (I do mean little by little) for some geckos and I was ALMOST at my goals when the bike reared its ugly head. One of the men in the kindred offered to help get the bike road ready and said, ‘the first one’s a freebie.’ Let’s just say $140 fix is not a freebie. I paid off half of the bill and plan on paying the other half in a week. I hate owing money. Sunday’s photo was one I really didn’t put much thought into. I took the photo and went to bed crying. So, no. I didn’t post but I took the photo.
So here we are at today. I could barely get out of bed. I’m upset that I’m still giving up so much for him to ride and feel like I’m really getting the short end of the stick here. I did get joy out of seeing my husband sit on his bike and I’m feeling bad about feeling selfish (lots of emotions happening). I got in the car this morning and my husband had bought a little lego type of character. With a little smile, I went to work in a semi-better mood but was late. I thought I would incorporate him into my day somehow.