Dress Coding-Behind the Scenes

Let me start by saying that it has been a hectic past two days and this is going to be a long read. This time of year can always be especially at the first of the month. I even forgot something SUPER important but when my husband gets up he’ll get what’s needed. Now, I’m one of those moms that will only step in when the problem is for a parent to intervene and take the wheel OR it stresses my children out to the point of them losing themselves. I have raised my daughters to be proud of themselves and that just because they are beautiful young women that don’t make them a ‘slut’. It’s not an invitation for anyone to harm them. Understand the situation that unfolded my daughter owned her part in it but she is NOT responsible for the way it was addressed.

Yesterday imagine you’re walking into the lunch room with your friend by your side. You’re talking about the upcoming weekend and the band concert next week. You’re not thinking about the shirt that you have one and have worn 1000 times before, right? No one really is until a teacher yells across the lunchroom, ‘pull your sleeves up! No one was paying attention to what you were wearing until now. The room goes quiet and everyone turns. You look at your friend nervously and pull your shoulders up only to get yelled at again, ‘PULL THEM UP MORE’. You frantically pull them up until the blouse front starts drooping and you panic. Everyone is watching and the teacher is staring you down. You give up, with a red face you put on your hoodie. You feel like your taking the walk of shame as you walk up to get your lunch believing everyone thinks you’re ‘that’ girl. The teacher NEVER formally dress-codes you. It was a huge embarrassment. You walk through the rest of the day, with your head down, in a hoodie because of the situation that happened.

This is what happened to my daughter yesterday. She got to the car and just started spilling EVERYTHING before she was fully seated. I listened in horror. My first instinct-truth-was to hunt through the halls for this teacher and humiliate her like she did my daughter and worse. Instead, I took her home and went for a drive because I didn’t want her to hear the phone call I was about to make to the principal. Unfortunately for me, fortunate for her, she was in a meeting. So I set out to write an email:

Good Evening-
My Name is NAME, DAUGHTER NAME mother. Jo is fine. I tried calling after school today but was informed that you were in a meeting. I understand wanting to go home after a trying day and not return an angry mother’s call. I’m having a trying evening too as my daughter is upset about what occurred during commons (lunch). My daughter was walking into the lunch room when Mrs. TEACHER NAME (probably butchered that spelling) yelled out for my daughter to pull up her shirt. IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. I cannot STRESS that enough. My daughter admitted that she was breaking dress but wore this shirt many times before with a wide strap halter top underneath and no one EVER said anything. Now, she wants everyone to know that she isn’t ‘that’ girl. She wants everyone to know that she isn’t a ‘slut’. Thank you for allowing my daughter to be humiliated in front of TONS of people, some of whom were wearing code violations but were not humiliated and shamed. When my daughter pulled her sleeves up it wasn’t enough and she YELLED AGAIN in front of everyone to pull them up some more. HUGE problem! Not once but TWICE! She SHOULD HAVE walked over to my daughter and asked her to step away from everyone and said something. Instead, she thought it was best to yell, in front of other students? This is unacceptable. The shirt is now in the garbage. EVERYONE watched as my daughter, red-faced, put her hoodie on. She wanted you to know that she isn’t ‘THAT’ girl and doesn’t get into trouble. But your staff has labeled her as such, verbally, in front of everyone that was sitting in that room.
What the teacher obviously didn’t think about (through the whole ordeal of humiliation and shaming of my daughter) is this could’ve caused backlash and ridicule from other students. You of all people should understand how some children are with taunting and bullying. My daughter hasn’t had much of an issue with this and I hope after today’s episode it STAYS that way. If not, I will hold Mrs. TEACHER NAME and yourself accountable. How do I explain to my daughter that I know she isn’t ‘that’ girl? How do I explain that Mrs. TEACHER NAME wasn’t singling her out because she thought she was a slut?
My daughter deserves an apology but she doesn’t want one. She feels like it’s all her fault. In partial, yes it is for wearing the shirt but she IS NOT responsible for how you allow your staff to address situations. A teacher can yell at my daughter, humiliating her, but can’t say a word to the kid that is cussing a teacher out? That makes so much sense. And to top EVERYTHING off, DAUGHTER NAME did not receive an official dress code violation! What was the point?
My daughter wants you and everyone else to know that she isn’t ‘that’ girl. I will work on building her confidence back up about her body and not to be embarrassed about it. That she is a beautiful young woman and being so doesn’t make her ‘that’ girl. I’m furious beyond what you can imagine. I am ‘that’ mom and will say that this is UNACCEPTABLE. This needs to be addressed! DO NOT HUMILIATE OR SHAME DAUGHTER NAME ANYMORE! My daughter also knows that she has been instructed to call me and put me on speaker during any meeting that is about this matter if she is included.
You can either reply to this email about this matter or call MY CONTACT NUMBER
Thank you,
Jo
This is an example of the shirt she was wearing:

I also included an image of the shirt that was identical to the one she had on. What the picture doesn’t show is that my daughter wore a tank underneath this style shirt. I did get a call from the teacher but it went to voicemail because my mom had to stop by with my birthday present and even though I don’t get along with my mom all that well it’s still disrespectful to answer the phone during her visit. There will be a meeting today and I have to work but according to the voicemail that the principal had left is that I will be placed on speaker during the meeting. Probably a good thing because I am ‘that’ mom that mom that has a temper.

I don’t know when it became an issue. When did clothing afford the right for humiliation? When did society say it was ok to break a young woman down for the clothes she is wearing but not punish the kids that cuss out teachers? When did my daughter’s bare fucking shoulders become the reason that boys can’t study or wait, eat lunch? She NEVER has been catcalled or anything while wearing this shirt and wasn’t in that room when that teacher yelled at her. My daughter doesn’t want an apology because she is embarrassed and I want this woman’s head on a stick. But for now, I’ll wait until the meeting and have my say.

What are your thoughts on dress code violations and how they should be handled?

Let’s Worry About Snacks…

I read this article a while back and it resurfaced at just the right time. If you are following the mainstream news you would hear almost every other day about a school shooting, extreme bullying, or a child taking his/her own life. I state that to put this next part in perspective how ASSININE my son’s school is. I pack him individually packed Goldfish, Cheez-its, and Keebler cookies for his mid-morning snack. He came home yesterday with an orange piece of paper, hands it to me and says, ‘You’re not allowed to pack me my snacks anymore.’ Pardon my language here but WHAT THE FUCK!

My son worries about ‘code reds’ which is the procedure they teach our children if there is an active shooter. He worries about his bully and how this kid bullies his friends. He worries about the little girl that was kidnapped in a small sleepy town in our state. He worries getting hit while walking to school. Is he a worry wart? No, but society has given him more to worry about than just his snacks. But now, he was singled out, handed a list of ‘approved’ snacks, and told to tell his mom that I can’t pack him ‘unapproved’ snacks. I didn’t realize it was happening at my son’s school but it is.

SO, the conversation I had with the principal about the bullying went nowhere last week. Nothing was changed not even the seating. The other kids’ parents weren’t involved? Metal detectors and better locking doors weren’t installed for intruders and prohibiting of guns on premises. The crossing guard didn’t get the bigger sign and the cop liaison doesn’t sit to watch for speeders. But what did happen is a list of approved snacks was printed to shame kids and parents alike for snack choice? If it brings my son a moment of joy during a worrisome or bad day to have the snack I pack, then so be it.

Dear School,
I nor my son elect to participate in the ‘approved’ snack group. He will be enjoying the Keebler Cookies I packed for him. 
Sincerely,
This mom that has to teach him more about safety, how to handle a bully, and everything else he worries about at the age of 9.

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