Letting Go; 18,000 Pieces at a Time

Remember when I wrote something about going to the library with the husband? The trip sparked 2 ideas/goals and a new found love for books. I don’t have time to read but I have 8 hours a day at where I work to listen. We aren’t supposed to listen to audiobooks but I do anyways…or now I do. I’m almost done with an Anne Rice novel and I forgot how much I enjoyed her style. I wish I could write like her but in shorter stories. There’s one.

Two is the library hosts their own quilt show/contest. Oh my! The talent in some these quilts. Next years theme is Flowers and I really REALLY want to enter but the problem is I don’t know how to quilt. Not like what was on display there. So, do I get a machine and try or just put that thought on the back burner? I’m looking into second-hand sewing machines and will YouTube the S*!+ out of the subject and even get to the library for how to books.

Three. The biggy. Picture it, the South, the early 2000s. I’m in my first trimester with a sibling for my other kiddos. Money is tight for my young family both parents not experienced enough to deal with adult responsibilities. The military pay wasn’t all that great, especially for our growing family and I offered to get a job at a local restaurant. My husband at that time had FORBIDDEN me to work. I was lucky I could leave the house, truth be told. He had been hoarding a clothing allowance that he received for almost a year. It was HIS money. It was ALL HIS MONEY. I woke up one morning and purchased a $350 18,000 piece puzzle. Believe me, I paid for it later but not with money.

Now, almost 11 years later this puzzles sits at the top of my closet. Only opened once to see what it looked like inside. A box of bad memories and pain just sitting and collecting dust. I noticed when visiting the library that there was a puzzle in the back area on a table being put together. I had asked about it and the librarian said it was sometimes put together by the staff, sometimes it was put together by other people. ‘Would the library take a donation in the form of a puzzle?’ I knew when I asked she probably thought that there were pieces missing or that it was in rough shape. The shock on her face when my husband carried in the puzzle. It was heavy for me but he carried it in like a bale of hay.

‘The box looks a little rough. It has traveled with me, baggage if you will for over 11 years. The four sections are bagged separately. Each section to a bag. This is number 17 out of 8216 puzzles made and the shipping slips show that it’s from Germany originally. There’s a certificate of authenticity and a poster for image reference. Can the library use it? It will finish 9 feet wide by 6 feet tall.’ She was overwhelmed and excited to receive it and the only thing I asked was to see it if and when it’s finished. She didn’t need to know the history of the puzzle.

I feel lighter. A reminder of past pain and abuse (both emotional, mental, and physical) related to that box is gone. I don’t need to hold on to it and something awesomely great will come from it. The beauty of the craftsmanship of the puzzle will FINALLY be put together. I still have a lot of healing to do and this was a great step forward.

Rose Colored Glasses

Normally I steer away from ‘selfies’ or photos that tend to give away my location or view of my children. But I have a message with this one. The place where I work the women are always giving back-handed compliments or talking about each other or something else equally unnecessary. Rarely do they give compliments or try to build each other up. Why? I have no idea. It’s as if they are in competition or it’s just easier to tear each other down. I see it in there faces every day. The ones that have triumphed over someone else with words and the ones that tried to make it through another day.

I have intervened a few times and went to our managing supervisor who does SQUAT about any of it. We do not have an HR department since the ENTIRE factory is run by the founding family (that’s a huge problem in itself) and worker’s happiness and wellbeing is often overlooked. I do my best to give compliments when I can or introduce myself to the new girls that get hired on instead of speculating and jumping right into the gossip about them (yup, small-town mentality). Let’s just say it’s a freaking snake pit where I work.

Yesterday, I wore the awesome glasses that I ordered online from Zenni. I’ve always wanted a pair and fully plan on purchasing sunglasses in this style. I got a couple of, ‘nice glasses are they new?’ comments but then one woman had to give a back-handed compliment. I was just returning some paperwork when she said, ‘Oh, you’re brave.’ I stopped. ‘Brave?’ and she had said, ‘For wearing those,’ as she pointed to my face. Here’s where I would have brooded over this and probably never worn them again. I’m not trying to be brave, I’m trying to a happy me and these glasses make me SUPER happy. I just smiled and walked away. Walking through the office, passing by her she said, ‘I guess I’m just going to have to get used to them.’ OK, this is where I stopped and turned. ‘I don’t care what you think or how you feel about my choice of eyewear style. You did not pay for them NOR are they on YOUR face. You can continue to belittle me but it won’t change a thing other than my opinion about you. Now I just think you’re a bully and mean bitter woman that’s jealous. Instead of trying to tear people down try a compliment instead.’ I walked away and enjoyed a quiet day because she chose not to talk to me.

Instead of people trying to tear each other down try encouragement, compliment, or some sort of supportive comment. It WILL go a long way!

Happy Thursday! Side note…SUPER happy about my selfie with the mirror and camera and how it kind of goes on a bit. YAY getting better with practice. This does not count as my 365 Day Project image.

 

 

Once Bitten

Yesterday I opened my email and seen that the job posting site I use recommended two jobs. Still, a little shaken (you know the whole once bitten, twice shy scenario) I reluctantly clicked the ‘apply’ button. Then I started remembering my interaction with the last interviewer. I remember feeling like I was less than the person interviewing me. Was I imagining it? Probably. But there was this air around her that she thought she was better than me because she was interviewing me. Her actions, the way she acted bored, how she didn’t shake my hand. All in my head? Maybe. But this is what I do. I overthink EVERYTHING about ANYTHING. It’s like a piece of gum. I chew all the flavor out of it then make everything worse by sticking it in my hair.

My interview is next week. I’m going to dress comfortable but not so casual that I look like I’m just going to the mailbox. I’m going to try and make it as comfortable for me to sit there. I’m going to remember that Facebook ads can only be 20% text and I’m going to remember what a damn pixel is. I’m going to be confident and I’m going to be me. I think my problem was last time was I was pretending to be someone like my interviewer. I’m not better than anyone else. The last interviewer felt cold and decided when first meeting me that she didn’t like me. Still, probably all in my head.

So, YAY! Friday! YAY! Interview. The weekend is going to be full of class work and planning (looks like we have snow moving in meaning I’m not leaving my house). Happy Friday everyone!

6 Word Story: 8/16

The fog was horrible this morning while I was walking. It made everything that was normal seem ominous and hiding something terrible. I kept having to tell myself that I’m being paranoid. That’s when I heard voices. I thought maybe I was going crazy but when I turned the lap there was a car with two people arguing outside of it-headlights on. I stopped. More like froze but realized that they hadn’t seen me. I continued walking because I have a goal but decided that I’m going to sharpen the blade on my knife tonight when I get off work. I drew a blank with this prompt.


Prompt: Laugh

 

 

6 Word Story: 8/13

It’s a Monday…do you know how hard it is to be positive on a Monday? Right now, I’m positive that I don’t like Mondays. Today’s prompt word gave me a little trouble but it was fun to get my brain going on this little exercise.


Prompt: Pull

When doubt arises, pull from strength.

 

Weighing In on Weighing In: Week 11

One thing I definitely learned is that A LOT can happen in a week…even a few days. I went in and had a tooth pulled on a Friday afternoon, a couple days later stitches thrown in. Finally able to return to work and still feeling pain the extraction caused. This, of course, made me adjust my eating habits.

Things I learned:

Weight Watchers has a zero point list for fruits, vegetables, and proteins for the freestyle program that I am doing. Blending zero point fruits adds points! My two point smoothie ended up being 13points! GRR. Mashed taters was also a higher point food that I only indulge in when out at a restaurant but needed to this past week. I also opted for cream of wheat which was nice and easy to eat along with being filling. Not walking as much and not filling full I was worried about what the scale would read. Sincerely…I almost skipped the weigh-in day. But here it goes, 182lbs is what the scale read this morning!


I’m officially 20lbs down! No, I can’t see it or notice it and that’s because it’s happening slowly. Then I remind myself that just because it’s slow doesn’t mean it’s not happening. I’m hoping this upcoming week will be better all around. Not wasting my weekly points on stupid smoothies and being able to actually eat would be great. I don’t have a unique recipe to share but I will be experimenting with butternut squash noodles and that will be posted next week (if it’s good).

6 Word Story: 8/6

Have you ever really looked back at certain situations and thought, ‘How did I even survive that…?’ I have a LOT of those that are not to be confused with, ‘What the hell was I thinking?’ moments. I’m up this morning and trying. My jaw is still extremely sore and I have a call into the dentist. Something doesn’t feel right so we’ll see. Until then, I am posting rather late, my 6-word story.


Prompt: Resilient

Resiliency is found after a situation.

 

6 Word Story: 7/28

I was (still am) full of excitement as we are attending a festival today. Normally, I don’t care to be around people, my anxiety almost forbids it. But today is different, they are like-minded and arent’ judgmental. I’m actually going to take along my watercolors to test the waters if I feel comfortable enough to paint with possible onlookers.

I readied myself for my walk when I noticed approaching the local track that the stadium lights were on and tents were being set up…ugh that’s right! The Bugle Mouth tournamanet is today as well. Outsiders from all over ascend on the town and are even more jerks than the people that live here. I’m still an outsider here after 7 years. I seen movement then people running and knew immediately that there was no way my fat ass is going to speed walk in front of all those fit people. Instead I stuck to the sidewalks and put my steps/time in and came home.

My husband hates when I walk the neighboorhood and is seriously creeped out by a guy-but I’ve never seen him. He said, ‘That’s the problem. You don’t see him but I do.’ Now, I’m getting fitted for a new holster for my carry conceal and yoga pants. I know, I’m rambling but it’s a cross between adrenaline and happiness-something I haven’t felt in a while. Busy day of festivities and catching up on my paintings. Happy Saturday everyone!


Prompt Word: Hostility

 

6 Word Story: 7/26

I would like to thank everyone for the inspiring comments of encouragement. Last night I decided to rest but it was more for my mental health. I worked hard on a filling meal for the family, cleaned up, and sat down. Didn’t worry about bills, what happened at work, or anything else just cuddled my dog. This morning I forced myself out of bed for a walk. I watched a beautiful almost full moon set and the sunrise and in between that precious moment, I saw a shooting star (more than likely a meteor but beautiful nonetheless). How many people can say they saw that this morning? I feel pretty lucky to see such beauty.


Prompt: AdmirerĀ 

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