Meaningful Music

Today was an off day. It started with my walk and even though the weather said that it was going to be another clear hot day, the sky suggested something completely different. Combine a dark sky, hurried pace, and a couple of soundtracks inspiration was found.

A sample from my playlist:

I am a HUGE fan of Hozier and almost ALL of his songs. I am unhappy in my body and didn’t want to get back to my 400lb self and decided that I was no longer feeling like me. I worked and went through so much to get to where I was and I found myself slipping back. Being labeled as having C-PTSD, Pagan, overweight, and in some circumstances as standoffish sometimes music is the only salvation to set things right.

Inspired Writing from Walk:

I’m not the only lover that hasn’t paid her debt. I thought I had escaped my past but soon found out there is a debt to be owed but not at my hand, but my mothers. My life changed and I was the payment of her debt.

It was an unusually windy week, even for Chicago. The commute to work was almost impossible. There were times when a gust would almost knock me over. Thursday morning and I was already running late and needed to pick up a treat to share with the office. The sky has been dark with rolling clouds since Monday, but today I noticed that they looked like a spider following me. I now know that it was following its prey.

I managed to make it into the bakery without the door flying into the wall and purchased the last 2 dozen cookies. I don’t know why it’s customary to treat on one’s birthday but you would think it would be the other way around. I paid the baker and bid him farewell in which he replied, ‘Happy Birthday Aspen.’ Here I was turning 25 and hated hearing those words. Walking out of the bakery I noticed that the same spider clouds were almost waiting for me. I didn’t think much of it and arrived at the office just in the nick of time. My hair may have looked like I was stuck in a wind tunnel but by George I made it.

The day was the usual mundane office chores and everyone enjoyed the break for cookies. During lunch I checked the weather the whatever this storm was is still going to be hanging around. According to the meterologist, the system seemed to cyclone over us and predicted to stay for another week. This kind of put a damper on my plans because I was supposed to go on a hot air balloon ride with Justin. Even though we were the couple that broke up and got back together the next day we still enjoyed each others’ company during our broke up periods, this being one of them. I finished my day and headed home only to find the same spider cloud following me. This worried me a little and thought it would be best if I took a cab until the storm passed.

The next morning I hailed my cab and right in front of me it was struck by lightning just as my hand was reaching for the handle. I looked up and found the same dark ominous could over my head. I decided that I would take a sick day and hang around in the apartment. The day was relaxing and great up until I had to go out for lunch. The wind was more powerful than it ever was. I was steered into a park and into a tree. I was alone and frightened. I sat down at the base waiting for the force to pass but then the whispering started.

‘Every lover has a debt to be paid. You, my dear, are the price of your mother’s debt.’ Someone said.
I panicked. ‘What the hell? Who the hell?’
‘You are my daughter and your life on Earth has come to its end. You have duties to fulfill as Nuada’s child.’
I remember my dad fighting with my mom and saying that I wasn’t his daughter but I was young and the argument was dismissed. My father loved me until the day he died which oddly was a year ago today.
‘If I’m your daughter, prove it. I won’t fight but I need proof that I’m not a hallucinating nut job that needs to be admitted to the hospital for observations.’
‘Aspen, daughter of Willow, let me show you.’ the voice said. And with that, a scene of my mother with another man unfolded in the sky. Didn’t prove anything until I see her sign a contract stating that when the time comes that I am to live with my real father and begin my true duties. I found that contract when I was younger in the attic. My mother yelled at me for playing with it and think was relieved that I didn’t understand the writing.

I wake up in a dark place. It’s quiet and still but underneath me, I noticed the floor is the sky that has a raging storm brewing under my feet. ‘Am I dead?’ I said to the darkness. A gentleman walks up to me with his hand outreached.
‘Aspen, I’m your father, Nuada. Come. You have much to learn my child.’
I didn’t know where I was or who he really was but I felt safe. And the only thing I could do was trust him.

 

Jo/© thecreativeptsdgal.wordpress.com

Glights

Here is the installment for ‘F’ in the A to Z challenge. A fairy tale/folklore, wonder tale, magic tale, or Märchen is folklore genre that takes the form of a short story that typically features entities such as dwarfs, dragons, elves, fairies, giants, gnomes, goblins, griffins, mermaids, talking animals, trolls, unicorns, or witches, and usually magic or enchantments. How often have we been lost in our imaginations of these fairy tale creatures? I don’t know about you but my creature always had magical powers that could fix anything or they were so magnificent in size that it shadowed everything that was boring. I took this opportunity to create my own creature. One that could possibly be overlooked and had nothing special. One that could lurk in both darkness and light, making you wonder if you really saw something move in the corner of your eye. Was it a mouse?


Long ago, before there was technology to remind us of every little thing, there was a world of the in-between. This world was everywhere. In-between doorways, in-between minutes, in-between the small space of the night and light before one emerges to relieve the other. Everywhere you look there are in-betweens. Now ask yourself, have you ever felt something, a breeze on your ankle but not be outside where there was wind? Ever thought you saw something out of the corner of your eye but you were alone in the room? What about when you think you forgot something but when you returned it was already taken care of? Who do you think turns off the stove or waters the plants when you forget? Or who closes your closet door to keep the monsters in while you sleep?

These little creatures do all the in-between work that lives in the in-between world and lives by the in-between time are Glights. They turn to shadows when lights are on and light up when the dark surfaces. They are our little guardians from our in-between moments that we often take for granted. They quietly remind us to be mindful of what is there in both darknesses and in the light.

From the quick glances bits and pieces of their description has been formed. They are no bigger than dust bunnies and seem to be just as fuzzy. They have small horns which we can only assume that helps them open things. They have antennas with lights at the end to illuminate in the darkness. They can both walk and fly without the need of feathers.

So, before you leave the house, open a window, or do anything that can’t be completed by technology remember the Glights. Give them purpose.

Nightmares and Fairy Tales

Once upon a time,

a young single mother worked at the market. She loved her little girl so much and hated leaving her each day to go to work. She couldn’t believe that for all her chores in the market she would receive very little pay. After a while, she noticed a young prince would come in almost every day just to go to her checkout line. In the following weeks, she and the prince began dating. She loved how he doted on her and her little girl. He told the young mother that if she was his wife she wouldn’t have to work and would be able to stay home and take care of her daughter and him. After a year the prince married the young mother.
Her happily ever after fairy tale soon turned into her personal nightmare. Soon anything she did provoke his vicious rage that he would take out on her. She was afraid to speak when not spoken to. Serve his meals too late or leave marks on the carpet from the vacuum. It seemed like anything she did was wrong and her punishments were all her fault. She then eased into following a set of rules which prevented her from stepping out of line.

As the years went on, she gave her prince two more daughters and he was becoming outraged that she couldn’t give him a son. She apologized over and over and even tried explaining that it wasn’t her fault that she didn’t have a son, it was biology. She needed to get out of the house and decided that without the prince’s permission she would go and work at the market again. He was very angry with her but promised her provocation of breaking a rule would be dismissed if she gave him half of her paycheck. She agreed out of her feelings of guilt and fear.

One day she went to work without having done a good makeup job of covering one of the prince’s marks from his hands of justice. On this day her husband showed up at the market just to tell the young mother what a horrible person she was and that she better be home in time to have his dinner prepared and ready for him. She bowed her head asked for forgiveness and promised that she would be home in time. Later that day a peasant boy walked over to her and asked, ‘Why do you let an ogre treat you like that?’ Those monsters are not allowed to be with humans.’ ‘He’s not an ogre, he’s a prince,’ she replied. ‘It’s the glamour. Luckily, your children will have your traits and not that of the monsters.’ The peasant boy replied and left.

Later that night at dinner she stared at her prince over dinner and couldn’t see the monster. The more she went to work the more the peasant boy educated her about ogres and how they preyed on the vulnerable. ‘How do I get free?’ she asked the boy. ‘All you have to do is look. Look at when he’s mean and see past the mask that he has put up to fool everyone,’ The boy said. ‘But how come you can see the monster and not a prince?’ ‘My mother taught me how to spot monsters. And by the way, you are not a monster but you will soon learn.’

A few months had passed when a huge argument erupted between the prince and the young mother. It wasn’t until the shock of his hand across her face that she saw the ogre. When her vision came back she could see the horror. If it wasn’t for her provoking his rage she wouldn’t have been able to see the prince for what he really was. He was her nightmare come to life, he was her ogre. She screamed and ran to grab her children. He chased all three of them to the carriage. She managed to get the horses to move before he was able to jump in. The ogre mounted his horse and chased after the young mother and her children. She arrived at the peasant boy’s house where he called the village protectors.

A few months passed and the young mother realized it wasn’t her fault that the ogre was violent. She never provoked him. It was the monster in him. She and the children learned to live without the monster and are learning to live their happily ever after.


Trying to some up a personal experience in just 750 words is difficult. This is a response to the Daily Post Prompt ‘Provoke‘. This brought back memories that I didn’t want to remember but I have to try and heal. I hope that it doesn’t do more harm for me in my dreams tonight.

Start a Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: