365 Day Project: 72

I wanted to get my project photo done so I can just go and lay down. There is only so much people can handle (emotional, mental or physical) and I need to numbingly lay and do nothing. I did put a little more effort in the image today though.

#5B8793, #43D9D9, #D6BD92, #D98452, #BF5050

Take care of yourselves and happy Wednesday!

365 Day Project: 71

I didn’t do much in the styling of this picture. There’s much more to it than the legos that were put together. This is what it looks like when I’m functioning with anxiety and depression all while trying to seem like everything is OK. I tried to do some editing and even like the grainy vintage effect that I was able to achieve. The complimentary palette almost translates Harry Potter but not quite.

#1C1D26, #0896A6, #59D9D9, #038C65, #8C2727

Survival Guide

I don’t write poetry simply because it never comes out right. I had a meltdown yesterday over something that could have been laughed at. The stress from a toxic work environment just sent me over the edge. All the after-school plans changed because the kids couldn’t make up their mind so I was scrambling. When I got home to cook a dinner that I originally had no intention of doing was the straw of the camel’s back. I turned on the wrong burner and melted a bag of rice to the burner. I picked it up and rice went everywhere. Normally, that is something I would laugh at but I just couldn’t. I cried and had the breakdown that I needed. This is what anxiety and depression looked like in my house yesterday. This is what a day’s worth of anxiety build brings when in a toxic environment. With everything still on my mind the best I could do was to get it out like this:


She has hearing like a bat,
heard every word.
Skills honed to
better hear the car door.

She can feel the tension,
its felt when walking in the room.
Her body is conditioned
to prepare for assaults.

She worries about your thoughts,
she can tell by the look on faces.
Her mind does this
in preparation for anything to come.

She’s alert to her surroundings,
without looking she knows who’s walking in the room.
Always alert because she
always had to be on guard.

She’s silent without a second thought,
already knows you don’t want to hear her.
Silence ensures lack
of violent encounters.

To you, she seems cold,
refusing to be fake.
To her, it’s about survival and her guide,
years of abusive trial and error.

365 Day Project: 13

Today was a difficult day. Difficult being I could barely get out of bed. The argument from yesterday has turned me into a basket case. I only registered 600 some odd steps on my fit bit. I managed to get out and take a photo for my project. I really wish I had a zoom lens for my cell phone because I think it would’ve brought out more detail The subject was painted two summers ago but she’s really taken a beating. Even though she’s fading, if you look hard enough you can see the beauty before the elements took over. The color palette I think would fall under the complimentary genre. I’ll try harder tomorrow…I could really use some sun, support, something.

#0E4473
#143959
#BFA18F
#594031
#8C3535

Saturday Stints

Saturday is my day to get all the errands completed even when the budget gets tighter than what was expected. Groceries are first and then my photo for the day which I’ll be trying to capture in a town over since that’s where I pick up groceries. Then it’s trying to poorly draw my comic for the week. If it brings a giggle then so be it.

Then it’s Thor’s Blot tonight with the kindred and I’m just trying to hammer out some details that were not mentioned on the event page. This means possibly putting a dish together at last minute with as little funds as possible.

Now, in a panicked fast voice read on: I need to pick up groceries but leave enough money left over to possibly make a dish to pass at the blot tonight, then I need to get a photo for my 365 Day project because I CANNOT flake out on that if I want to get better at cell phone photos. Oh, I need to edit them and post too. I can do that from my phone if I have to but I hate it. What is my comic going to be about this week? Ugh, fuck it. I’ll wing it. Oh, I need to look for one of my wacoms and PRAY that there is still software somewhere for me to download. I got on the treadmill this morning but I better make sure and eat low points today because if there is food at the blot I would want to eat. Damn the mead, I’m going to have to dip in my weekly points. Not a problem I have almost a full bank. Shit, I need to put money in the kids’ lunch account, and gas. Gas needs to go in the car. It’s almost 6 in the morning I if I look now I can find the tablet and doodle in peace before the kids get up. Too late, I heard legos being dumped in the floor upstairs. Leftovers, the kids can have leftovers tonight and the younger one goes with us.

This is almost exactly what it’s like with my anxiety but what people are not seeing is the depression because all I want to do is crawl back into bed and forget what all needs to be done and went through my head. I know I have forgotten something and will remember it when it’s past time to be done or due. Off to look for one of my archaic Wacom tablets. Happy Saturday everyone!

6 Word Story: 9/20

Yesterday was a huge FAIL but this morning I woke up deciding that I won’t let that bother me today. I think what pushed me was a friend reaching out this morning and telling me that she feels like her battle with depression is getting the best of her. I’m glad she reached out and wished more people would. It helped put things in perspective for me and I hope that opening up helps her. If someone reaches out to you, listen. Oh…ugh weigh in day today.


Prompt: Incandescent

Be the radiance your soul needs.

6 Word Story: 7/24

I just noticed that this word is repeated (ugh and grr). So, anyone who is doing the prompts can do another story with this prompt OR do one using the word I’m doing today.

I wanted to try and do something that I’ve been feeling here lately.


Prompt Word: Door

 

Doodle(s)wash: 7/21-7/23

I really had to force myself to paint and doodle. I know that if I continued I would soon give everything up. I even managed to make dinner for everyone even though it mostly came from the box. Work was awful for a Monday and all I can say is thank goodness that I don’t delete emails (will probably elaborate more when I’m up to writing).

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6 Word Story: 7/23

I haven’t been feeling myself the past couple of days. I’m trying to catch up and fight like to keep interest in what I’m doing. Depression is something that doesn’t go away…no matter how hard I try to will it.

There are many ways to use today’s prompt word and can be used in all genres referring to all sorts of things.


Prompt Word: Crave

 

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