Rose Colored Glasses

Normally I steer away from ‘selfies’ or photos that tend to give away my location or view of my children. But I have a message with this one. The place where I work the women are always giving back-handed compliments or talking about each other or something else equally unnecessary. Rarely do they give compliments or try to build each other up. Why? I have no idea. It’s as if they are in competition or it’s just easier to tear each other down. I see it in there faces every day. The ones that have triumphed over someone else with words and the ones that tried to make it through another day.

I have intervened a few times and went to our managing supervisor who does SQUAT about any of it. We do not have an HR department since the ENTIRE factory is run by the founding family (that’s a huge problem in itself) and worker’s happiness and wellbeing is often overlooked. I do my best to give compliments when I can or introduce myself to the new girls that get hired on instead of speculating and jumping right into the gossip about them (yup, small-town mentality). Let’s just say it’s a freaking snake pit where I work.

Yesterday, I wore the awesome glasses that I ordered online from Zenni. I’ve always wanted a pair and fully plan on purchasing sunglasses in this style. I got a couple of, ‘nice glasses are they new?’ comments but then one woman had to give a back-handed compliment. I was just returning some paperwork when she said, ‘Oh, you’re brave.’ I stopped. ‘Brave?’ and she had said, ‘For wearing those,’ as she pointed to my face. Here’s where I would have brooded over this and probably never worn them again. I’m not trying to be brave, I’m trying to a happy me and these glasses make me SUPER happy. I just smiled and walked away. Walking through the office, passing by her she said, ‘I guess I’m just going to have to get used to them.’ OK, this is where I stopped and turned. ‘I don’t care what you think or how you feel about my choice of eyewear style. You did not pay for them NOR are they on YOUR face. You can continue to belittle me but it won’t change a thing other than my opinion about you. Now I just think you’re a bully and mean bitter woman that’s jealous. Instead of trying to tear people down try a compliment instead.’ I walked away and enjoyed a quiet day because she chose not to talk to me.

Instead of people trying to tear each other down try encouragement, compliment, or some sort of supportive comment. It WILL go a long way!

Happy Thursday! Side note…SUPER happy about my selfie with the mirror and camera and how it kind of goes on a bit. YAY getting better with practice. This does not count as my 365 Day Project image.

 

 

Tuesday?

Coming back from what was supposed to be a relaxing weekend to work was a shift in mood. I get back to my computer, ready to work, and my computer is covered differently. Jon, the IT guy was on it over the holiday. Much rather like a mother disguising ‘cleaning’ her child’s room only to really be snooping. When I got my machine booted up and running that’s when I noticed that there were icons missing including the one for my resume folder. WTF! I also couldn’t access some basic networking sites such as LinkedIn. What could I possibly do on that site that would be detrimental to the company? Oh, wait. Possibly find another job. Then I try to go to my dashboard for my blogs and it’s now blocked! I’m pretty much or better yet, definitely all caught up on work so I will be using a pen and pad of paper to write and will come home and finish posting. Happy Tuesday everyone! Let’s stay positive and get through the day. The picture just made me smile so I thought I would re-post it.

May 3, 2018

Dear Journal (and everyone that reads),

I thought I was doing great the past few weeks with only minor pangs of anxiety and one night of flashbacks. I survived the A to Z blogging challenge and set out a new goal for a novella that I would like to publish. I haven’t written or did anything on that since my goal but I’m ok with that as I have time this weekend to write. I have been enjoying my new doodle and watercolor challenges. It’s my zen place.

Today everything seems off. I haven’t written or read anything. I had plans to go and exchange some things but have canceled. I have been reduced to slipping on yoga pants and starting dinner. I refuse to crawl into bed and just lose composure-I know I’ll lay there for days. I was misled by pretty words today by someone that people are supposed to trust. I have been having issues with a woman that has the biggest head on her shoulders. Her inflated sense of entitlement I have confronted many times. She seems to have everyone wrapped around her fingers but I refuse to conform. I will argue with her when she’s wrong with anything marketing or graphic design-wise. The company hired me to bring in those elements of knowledge. I was hired under the impression that I was a team member but have been treated as an outcast. I’m not the only educated individual they have done this too but she, she makes my career life hell and goes out of her way to do so.

Today, instead she sent one of the owners (CEO) of the company to come and do her evil bidding. He used words like and phrases like, ‘collaboration, your expertise, eye for creativity and detail, and what you bring to the table.’ All pretty and promising words. Ones that made me think he actually did his job, knocked her down a peg and educated her that she needs to be able to work with other. I agreed that I could collaborate and work with her. She brought in a piece of paper, ‘Do this, what’s in this example.’ And left. Finding another graphic design job, in my area, for what little I am getting paid is proving to be difficult. I have never felt so ostracised by the company…the owner of the company. What’s the point in me being there? Am her personal assistant or do I work for the company? The ONLY thing I did was worked a program and made a document specification requested. I didn’t bring anything creative to the table, just regurgitated another version of an ad that SHE saw from last year. It was a bad ad done by a small company and elements of the ad were from the 90’s. How can I keep us going forward when she keeps us in the back.

I feel used, lied to, unappreciated as a graphic designer, and made to feel like I’m beneath everyone as a human. What’s the point? My anxiety was horrible (I would go to the bathroom just to sit and rock) and the feeling of being worthless is overwhelming. So, For now, I’m going to finish cooking dinner and do some painting trying not to give into the sinking feeling. The darkness that feels like a protective friend but isn’t. I may just call in tomorrow.

Words of advice-Try and see through the pretty words, it will prepare you for the lies beneath.

Didn’t Quit

Water(color) Therapy

I did have a hell of a day at work which included judgment and bullying by coworkers. I had planned to edit my short story and post then do some watercolor but I was lucky I just didn’t lay in my bed and cry.

Instead, I came home and started dinner. Chopping the taters was a start to relieving stress then moved to folding laundry and picking up. After dinner, I decided to sit down and really practice some watercolor galaxies. I had watched several tutorials and jumped in. I think I ripped up 4 starts and decided that the 5th one I’m going to just deal with it. The stress of failing at my painting faded rather quickly. I found myself smiling and concentrating on paint placements.

What I learned:

  1. Cheap palettes of paint was actually a great buy. Basically, I suck and need practice.
  2. I need to purchase better quality paints…maybe the tubes so my paintings don’t get muddy due to me trying to get brighter colors.
  3. I LOVE mixed media!
  4. I HATE that my gel pens SUCK and need to invest in a good quality white pen.
  5. Calm down when frustrated
  6. Don’t give up…on me.

So I need to come up with the money to get what I want. Yes, want not need but until then I’ll figure out how to work within the parameters of these cheap pans. I might be able to find some extra cash until then to get a great white gel pen.

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