I started questioning EVERYTHING about my choice in modern day heathenism and the kindred but quickly realized 2 things: 1-The argument with my husband was a great influence on my feelings and 2- My horrible thoughts in my head are telling me that the kindred isn’t a right fit for me. This doesn’t mean I should quit altogether because I do still believe in my chosen path. I can still participate in Sumbels and Blots with them and participate in the book club but I can’t get comfortable with myself to be open OR even speak out. Even though I’m still a little bit of an emotional wreck here we are at stanza 13 (again stanzas 10-14 are kind of similar).
The heron of heedlessness hovers o’er the feast;
and stealeth the minds of men.
With that fowl’s feathers fettered I was
when I was Gunnloth’s guest.
Oblivion’s heron ’tis called over
drink hovers; he steals the minds of men.
With this bird’s pinions I was fettered in
I happen to love this analogy with the use of the heron. I can just imagine this beautiful bird peacefully flying over the heads of men as they sit around and enjoy a hot meal, drink, and company. Quietly taking with and consciousness of speech and actions from the people below. Lines 3 and 4 remind me that I need to re-read parts of the Eddas. There are a lot and full of information. Thanks to Our Temple of Our Heathen Gods, it reminds me that Odin is the narrator and speaking of his winning of poetry from Gunnloth. So, these two lines refer to Odin being affected by the heron (or bird) from the first two lines…when he had consumed all of that mead at once.
Part of the argument between my husband and I was the drinking during events. He overindulges and acts stupid. I tried reminding him that it’s not all about drinking and he tried telling me that it’s a major part of it. I disagree. I think moving forward this will be a personal journey. I’m ok with that.