Are we REALLY family?

I have most of my portfolio done! EEK! I even started updating my resume. Outside of a few tweaks by the end of the day, if no one interrupts, I’ll be applying to jobs with a decent portfolio, updated resume, and awesome cover letter. Hopefully, I’ll be in a new job by the new year. Dream or goal? Actually, it’s ok for it to be both.

While taking a break from work and portfolio construction I was scrolling through my social media feed when I see that my cousin just had a baby. I didn’t even know that she was pregnant. Wondering how that’s possible especially if you’re close with all your family. Simple. I’m not considered ‘REAL’ family. How do I make a long story short when in reality it’s a long? My grandpa on my mom’s side and my grandma were young when they had my mom. They tried to make a go at it. It didn’t work and split. My grandpa never talked to my mom after that. Years later, my mom found her dad. They talked and we all met. While my mom was getting sideways looks from her stepmom (obviously reminder of her husbands past) she met her half-sisters. One was accepting the other was really giving off the Cinderella stepsister vibe. My sister and I were really not considered ‘grandchildren’ but rather children that tagged along. While my dad bought us happy meals (and a big girl burger for me) he was more than happy not to interact with people who didn’t approve of him or his lifestyle.

Forward years later too after the divorce and she moved north to be close to her family dragging us kids with I rebelled. I was a constant reminder of my mom’s past. I eventually screwed up enough where the judge told my mom, ‘She can go to jail here OR you send her back to her dad.’ I got to go back home. Forward many more years later, I moved north to be closer to my mom but nothing has changed with her side of the family. Now, my kids, husband, and myself are still considered the non-family members. We’re family by blood but if it wasn’t for that tie then they wouldn’t bother with the yearly Christmas card. While my grandfather is helping his other grandchildren pay off loans, purchase houses, and pay for weddings he takes time to send $100 in a Christmas card addressed to, ‘Family’. Thanks, Grandpa. He got married this past summer and the wedding invite my mom received was to her and ‘family’. I didn’t go.

I have cousins that think that we aren’t family and that’s what led me to find out she had her first child this past weekend. I have a grandfather that only acknowledges my presence around the holidays. I have two aunts that don’t consider me to be a niece until they need my blunt honest mouth to get their ‘beat around the bush’ ideas across. I did not chime in my congratulations on the baby picture post. I did not get invited to the baby shower so I’m not planning a belated gift for the baby. I’m going to skip being a part of their ‘family’ this year. I find that it’s better to get rid of all the toxicity at once.  What’s my point with this post this morning? Well, trying to focus more on self-care and what I want and need I need to remind myself to let go of all the people, including blood relations, that does not bring joy into my life in some form or another. With this holiday season coming up remember that it’s OK to let go of people including family.

7 thoughts on “Are we REALLY family?

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  1. I absolutely agree! I don’t think there would be any screwed up people at all if it wasn’t for families! I lost touch with my family for many years then got sucked back in. I stay in touch because of my dad but my kids get zero recognition and it seriously pisses me off. When Dad goes and I hope it isnt any time soon – they won’t see me for dust

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yup. In my case the “lost” then “found” family were met for the first time at the funeral for the only blood link. They then didn’t accept my sibling, who is visibly disabled, so I basically told them to eff off. Some have friended me over the years…and then promptly unfriended me again because our political views are so incompatible. Think goodness for genetic testing and I can work out where that family came from with no need to ever talk to them…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Through I’m able to take pride in my dad’s side of the family…the one side that has always been supportive. Shame on me for leaving them to come here and experience this. We’ll move back to them soon. Keep up the research, just because y’all share a heritage doesn’t mean y’all need to be in contact. Stay strong 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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