March 5th, 2018: Rejection to Recreation

This weekend was fun and frustrating. I’m glad I was able to look at everything from a different perspective (once I got out of my head). With my CPTSD there are times when I’m more anxious than depressed and vice versa. I’ve been trying to write for other blogs, submitting pieces that I’m comfortable with the prompt and have been open-minded. I think that’s what helped me through my rejection is being open-minded. I woke up to an email that started like this:

“We found this piece so affecting and, of course, incredibly personal. It’s a beautifully written collection of letters, and a very special piece of writing. Unfortunately, we didn’t feel like we had quite the right space for ‘Dear Daddy‘………..”

Now, I had been sketching earlier that morning so I was relaxed which helped my mood.I will admit I was super excited to see a reply email from the blog authors. It meant they read it. They actually gave it the time of day! I was bummed after reading, ‘Unfortunately’. I knew what that meant also. But my husband told me to read it again. So I read it three or four times before I understood what he was seeing. ‘It’s a beautifully written’ and ‘Affecting’. It touched them and they thought it was well written. Me? Well written? That IS awesome! So even though it was a letter of rejection it was also motivational. I didn’t quit writing that day or lay in bed crying. I continued to write and be hopeful through the rejection.

 

I updated my sketchbook for my random doodles. (I accidentally left it at home this morning and made a point to turn around and get it.) I also did some experimenting with brush markers and using them as watercolors. It was a great exercise since I had to go out that Saturday night to a basketball game. I and large crowds just don’t do well so the painting helped relax me for the evening.

How I handled the crowd was more of an ah-ha moment than trying something new. I have emergency meds for panic attacks but decided that I would sit in between my husband and my oldest daughter. This helped tremendously along with my family understanding how I am we sat a little longer in the stands so I wasn’t caught in a sea of strangers touching me. All in all, it was a good night day. I was rejected but grew from it and I did something recreational without having a panic attack.

 

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