February 24th, 2018

Late Start

I didn’t wake up late, in fact, I have been up since 3 am. Instead of taking care of me or doing what I wanted to do for me I catered to EVERY capable human being under my roof. My husband is feeling better but didn’t help with the shopping or putting up the shopping. He didn’t help when I needed to clean. In my head, I can’t stand clutter or things just laying around. I get anxious and nervous and even get ready to fight rather than flight. I recently learned that is because of the years and years of trauma and abuse.

I left early for the store figuring that it wouldn’t be busy and at first it wasn’t. I got out of there as soon as possible. I feel it would have been sooner if I didn’t have to do the self-checkout with 2 weeks worth of groceries and no help. That irritated me to no end because all I wanted to do was get out of the store. Pulling out of my parking space, I slammed on my brakes. The woman started yelling at me as she was still looking down at her phone. I slammed on my brakes before she even knew what the hell was going on. Then had the nerve to yell? Get home, just get home.

Kids start helping put up the shopping and my husband (who is still suffering from the flu) was hungry. Made his food and began to clean up. Then he states, ‘We can go to a movie tonight’. I was a little dumbfounded. For someone who is still feeling like crap why would he want to go to the movies? Now, to prove he is feeling better he’s helping with the laundry…slamming things around. This makes me nervous so I thought it would be a good time to paint.

I have been imagining this key, play and regal all at the same time. It’s the remnants of a dream I had but can’t remember. Now that is out of my system I have a creative writing course that I have signed up for and will begin so I can prepare for my NaNo experience. So, if I can get through at least 4 lessons in the course then I can start my doodle project tomorrow. If I don’t plan for these things then they will never happen.

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