February 22, 2018

Sometimes I feel like I set unrealistic goals or I want to try and tackle so many things but never follow through to the end. Then there are times that I think about starting something and how great I would be at it or how great it would be for me to attempt and NEVER even try. How do I find a happy medium? Do I stop reaching for the stars? Do I try everything and anything I think of? So, I think all my hairbrained ideas are worth attempting and it’s ok to fail. It’s ok to fail as long as I try again and again. With my anxiety shutting so much of my aspirations down, it’s time to try and stick up for what I want to do and achieve.


My reading log is going great. I met my goal of 2 books for the month of February. I know I caved when I got Jane Eyre in audiobook format. I realized with my attention span and my spastic brain tap outs, it would be best. Jane Eyre was inspiring to say the least. To be able to recognize bad situations and knowing your worth is something to be desired, well for me at least. In the end, she got was she wanted and knew she deserved. Feeling accomplished I created my March month pages in my journal and will try for three books but will be excited with two.

I still haven’t had a cigarette so that’s going great. The smell of smoke on other people is sickening and I freak out thinking that’s how I use to smell to non-smokers. My diet, let’s just say I try and slip, try and fail, but I am still trying.

Being creative is something that I am trying to do every day and unfortunately, I haven’t painted since that last loose watercolor. I have, however, made origami Hawaiian shirts for the Hawaiian day. Today at work it was Hawaiian day and I thought that it would be nice to do something for the people I work with and hopefully bring a smile to their face. It felt good to hear them get giddy over something as simple as folded paper.

I also wanted to do a daily doodle book. I don’t let my inner child out enough and I don’t allow myself to fail. I know that sounds weird but I need to fail to learn to get better. I also need to find my own style and artistic voice.

Then I thought about NaNo (National Novel) Writing Month. Then I thought, “What the hell?! I’m not a writer and I have no business participating.” I talked to my husband and he said is that my insecurities and my head thinking for me or is that something I really believe. I have been writing and even submitting a piece to another blog (it hasn’t been chosen and probably won’t be). I got over that fear so why not this? I took the first steps and signed up for my NaNo account through the NaNo site. I know it may not seem like much but that is a huge step for me.

Yes, my husband is still fighting the flu and the doctor hasn’t cleared him to work yet. Today is our anniversary but I was happy with ordering pizza and working on things I have been putting off such as my reading log and writing a journal entry. This weekend I have project plans. Creating my daily doodle log, try to create something with my Indian Ink, and generate ideas for my NaNo project (which I am scared to death and don’t have the slightest clue to what I am doing). I know I can’t start writing until November but that doesn’t mean that I can’t plan.

Did I bite off more than I can chew, you bet your ass! Am I going to fail? Probably. Will I quit? No. Don’t be afraid to fail. Don’t be afraid of goals. Don’t be afraid of accomplishments.

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