February 1, 2018

I had a really great ending to the month of January and to keep the momentum going I went to work this morning with a to-do list for things that need to (and stuff I want) get done. I had new logos to draw (I love a challenge) and wanted to get my first 6-word story done for this month. Also on my list, was my reading journal because I got my hands on one of the books that are on my 2018 ‘Book’ bucket list and wanted to get that started.

I had all these great ideas for projects and feeling very creative until my partner in the art room was talking to a supervisor and ‘Bob’ came in. Now he’s the one that’s I wrote about in my journal post from last month just to recap. I already had a mild headache but completely bearable and he had said something to my partner but never addressed me. He sat there for what felt like 5 minutes (never addressing me) then got up and slammed the art room door. Anxiety started to rise in my chest. I sent him an email apologizing for ignoring him and I sincerely thought that he was talking to my partner. He never acknowledged my email or me. Instead, he sent another email with this:

(my name) You need to do this:

Then lists what he needed from me. I did what was on the list and never even got a thank you. More anxiety and even panic. Now I’m wondering if he’s trying to get me fired and worried he’s personally out to get me. I couldn’t concentrate. I felt like a nobody. I apologized for something that I didn’t do and gave an explanation to someone who doesn’t deserve it. I was acting exactly how I acted when I was with my ex. How could I let him do that to me?

I could go to my managing supervisor but he doesn’t do anything. We don’t have an HR. I don’t know what to do. I was feeling great yesterday because I figured out the 3D software that my hiring supervisor wanted me to figure out. Super proud of myself and now I’ve been reduced to nothing. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should talk to him only for him to browbeat me into some more apologies. I’m going to try and write my 6-word story…I’ll start there.

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