Set Back or Added

Last month I was meeting 2 possible families that wanted 2 of our puppies (one for each family obviously). I had my oldest daughter with me and the puppies in the backseat (buckled mind you) and headed for a 4 hour drive round trip.

I came to a 4-way stop (all stop) and proceeded through the intersection when out of no where A white truck impacted with my front passenger side pushing us into oncoming traffic (luckily we weren’t hit). No one was hurt as we were wearing seat belts and the puppies had no clue as to what was happening as they just slept through the entire ordeal.

I’m catapulted into a catatonic panic state and I could only feel the hot tears running down my face and fear in my throat. I managed to pull the car into the gas station parking lot. I didn’t know it at the it at the time but I was out of the car nodding to this man asking if I’m OK and suddenly hyper-aware of everything around me and in me. The officer that arrived told me to stay by my vehicle while he talked to the man first. White hair, on his phone talking about some nonsense about the night before and almost wrecking, who NEVER once told me why he ran into me. The officer asked me what happened. I thought everything that I was thinking was coming out of my mouth but it wasn’t. All I could get out, ‘We stopped, looked both ways, no traffic stopped, started driving through and then we were hit out of no where.’ That is ALL I could get out. I thought it was clear and concise but my daughter tells me that I could barely get the words out and that I was sobbing and didn’t want to be touched. My daughter tried telling the officer that, ‘My mom has CPTSD and needs a minute or two to calm down and get over the panic attack so she can clearly enunciate what happened.’ Instead of giving me the time I needed he asked my daughter. WTF!!! But I nodded and she explained what happened.

After pictures were taken, I received a ticket for failure to yield. I about lost it right there! This is because of Wisconsin Law the driver on the left yields to the one on the right. Yes, that’s all well and good and would have if HE HAD BEEN THERE FIRST! The insurance company investigated and clearly states that we have to accept liability ONLY because of the law and lack of video proof. Our adjuster said that the other party’s story was almost like mine expect the part of him being at a full stop and no other drivers visible. Then my adjuster tells me the guy was getting an estimate at the same shop that my car was at but wanted to pay out of pocket. Then I learned it was a work vehicle. Time line of the accident–football games, tailgate parties, and dusk. Was he driving the truck after hours, drinking when watching the game and then decided to go home during half time?

The officer not listening to me triggered a flashback that I didn’t want to have of me pleading with the officer that it’s rape even if we are married and I said no. The officer didn’t listen, didn’t do anything to protect me, mocked me for my claim, and I should be a good wife when my (ex)husband is in the Air Force and left. Left me alone with him to be further abused.

With shame, I didn’t go to court to fight the ticket, and I haven’t the money to send in now but I will. Now because of the officer not listening brings back feelings of shame and disgrace. I can’t face a judge right now. This is the first I have ever really put into words how the man driving the truck, the officer and situation made (and I still feel this way) feel. The judge won’t understand or give me the time of day. I know how this goes. Been there done that so many times. This is where the hopelessness sets in and I try not to associate past abuse to present situations but it’s so difficult. Both officers were similar in the treatment of me only one was more verbal and the other implied I was wrong (along with my daughter). Now I have a hard time driving even 3 blocks to pick my kids up from school.

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