It is no surprise that I haven’t posted anything in a while. The black hole of depression that I lovingly refer to as my friend held my hand for a few months. It was difficult at best to find the ability to complete day to day tasks and a lot fell by the wayside including keeping up with bills. Just when I thought I was out of the dark water something would happen between my husband and myself and I would swan dive right back into the water. I’m not going to lie-I have contemplated death a time or two. And before you gasp and think that I need to be medicated you are completely right…well mostly. I’ll touch on that in later posts. I have missed work, dinners with my family, and mostly I missed myself.
So much has happened since I stopped posting i don’t even know where to begin. So I’m here to catch up and try to get everything off my chest.
Let’s start with Thanksgiving. I had the day off work and money was tight. I didn’t want to go to my mom’s house and listen to her backwards brow beating of how much of a better cook than me she is, or how her boyfriend is better than my husband…she has a lot of issues comparing herself to me. My life isn’t so great but she insists on putting me down in this fashion so I decided to skip that all together.
I semi-prepped the food the night before and woke early to bake pies. With all the cooking that was happening (on our tight budget) in the full oven and burners, McDonald’s being closed, we went to our local greasy spoon for a cheap breakfast. We were all in a great mood afterwards and decided that we were going to pick out our very first ever live tree. I was actually smiling-a real smile.
Got home, checked the food and then the setting up of the tree. Ever seen National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation? Yup, that was us trying to get this tree in our living room. After trimming the star fit…ok so it scraped the the ceiling but it still looked good and we all had a good time.
I would have to say Thanksgiving was the day I noticed I was beginning to be myself just a bit.