October 14th, 2017

Yeah I’m still here…barely. Where do I even start? Last month my life was turned upside down.

Sunday, September 17th, I did my usual routine. I shopped for the meat raffle the day before after having breakfast with my family. I opened the bar at the normal time and talked with customers all while serving them their alcoholic getaways from their miserable lives. Looking back the comment that was made by a regular, ‘Tom is sick and tired of bartenders thinking they own the place.’ should have been my sign. It bugged me while I set up for the meat raffle, through the meat raffle, and even cleaning up after. Customers had fun and we were laughing and carrying on and I was relieved to count that the manager and I broke even with what we had put in from our tips that purchased meat. Which meant that I made back my hard earned tips and would be able to survive the week. I stocked, mopped, cleaned the bathrooms, and took out the trash leaving the bar better than what it was left to me to open.

Monday, September 18th, I’m sitting at my computer at work when I seen my phone ring. I didn’t answer but later I noticed there was a voicemail. I listened and was stunned. I was informed that I was no longer needed to bartend and at the end of the message he wished me the best! I was heartbroken, infuriated, scared, and confused. What had I done? I have never been fired from anything in my life! I even agreed to stay on longer after I turned in my two-week notice back in June! Then this? I didn’t work two jobs for my health! What’s worse, I didn’t have a chance to tell my regulars bye. I later learned that some of the regulars already knew what was going to happen but acted normal when I seen them on Sunday.

Throughout the past weeks I heard rumors as to why I was fired. STEALING! I was stealing from the meat raffle! How can I steal my own tips!? I was pissed and plotted SO many things! I was going to call regulars in for drunk driving, smoking in the bar, dogs being allowed in the bar, tax evasion, OSHA, health inspectors, EVERYTHING!  I wanted his empire to fall that he think he built after his brother passed away and it was left to him through the estate. The bar has been up for sale since Red Eye passed away but no one is wanting to purchase a bar with a caving roof, mold in the hallway leading upstairs, bowed flooring, aspestos flooring, crumbling foundation, leaking roof and not to mention the updating of coolers, tappers, ice machine, and walk-in cooler. Yes, I can report all of this but the price of repairs that are needed IS the reason no one is wanting to purchase. There isn’t a kitchen so it’s beer, shots, chips, frozen pizza (the reason why dogs can’t be in there) and jerky. It was the bar that people went to catch up with friends and have a few beers and shots without judgement. Little did I know 1/2 of my customers had already made their mind up about me because of Tom and his slander.

Tom’s words made it to my day job and the rumor mill started turning. THIS IS MY MAIN JOB! What the fuck was Tom thinking? I even went as far as to go on Facebook to tell people, ‘Just because your regular bartenders aren’t there doesn’t mean that you don’t have to be regulars. Please keep going to keep your bar open.’ Now I wish I didn’t do that but his decision is coming back to haunt him. The bar has already lost a pool team and their liquor orders have gone down to almost nothing.

With all that background story…I barely held it together. Having C-PTSD I wanted nothing more was to crawl in a hole and die. I thought about different ways of doing it. Thoughts of  being worthless and hopelessness swallowed me daily. Depression was my constant companion. Little did anyone realize all of their words and their true character made it back to me. The comment made by a regular that Sunday was a warning I should have heeded.


I’m slowly getting better and found another job bartending so more about that to come.

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