******SPOILER****** If you haven’t watched this show, don’t read! I may or may not ruin your viewing pleasure and curiosity. Also, I really wanted to write this and tried really hard to gather my thought process into a form that made sense.
When a young boy vanishes, a small town uncovers a mystery involving secret experiments, terrifying supernatural forces and one strange little girl.
Starring: Winona Ryder, David Harbour, Matthew Modine
I watched this show with my kids this weekend…OK we binged all 8 episodes. I’ll confess that I bawled like a toddler that just had her favorite color crayon stolen. I realized that it wasn’t for the obvious reasons. I can truly relate to the character 11 or rather her flashbacks and the way she feels.
So you read the descriptive blurb but what it leaves out is the little girl, ’11’ was a test subject. She was taken away from her mother at birth that was a voluntary test subject for monetary compensation. But what the mother didn’t know is that she was pregnant during the hallucinogenic drug trials. The man that 11 called ‘Papa’ was the one that ordered her to do horrible things and the only time that she got any human affection was when she completed tasks.
I CRIED! Yup, I cried as this little girl was shown being drug by two orderlies in white jump suits to a secluded closest with the door slammed and her sitting alone in the dark. I cried as she banged on the door hollering for her ‘papa’ to rescue her. I cried when she had escaped, received help from a man that gave her a burger after catching her stealing fries from his kitchen. She then witnessed his murder which was completed by someone from the testing facility where she was kept. I cried. Because I know what it’s like to need help from someone outside my abusive situation to help me navigate the world outside. I’ll come back to that later.
11 is found by a group of boys that were searching for their friend that had gone missing. She was scared, skeptic, needing a decent human being to make her feel like a human rather than a lab rat. There’s ups and downs during the blooming friendship among these boys and cried when there was name calling and when the boys obviously hurt her.
I was in an extremely mentally and physically abusive relationship. I can’t even begin to count how many times I would tell my children ‘Bye baby, I love you’ in there ear as I kissed them goodnight while they slept so peacefully, all the while knowing that I may not make it through the night. So yes, I cried when 11 told Mike ‘goodbye’ trying to beat the demon. The only time I received human affection was after he was done being abusive. I was isolated from the outside world just as 11. I didn’t have friends or could go by myself ANYWHERE even to get a burger. I needed something from the outside world to show me that things weren’t like they were in our house. I broke his rules and got a job as a cashier…believe me, I paid for it later but continued to go. There I made friends with a couple of guys that showed me what it was like to be treated like a human. They knew I was scared (all the time) untrusting of people except by husband (ex now) as that was how I was molded and they took their time and were careful of my fragile state of mind. They showed me right from wrong, great places to eat, and even women’s fashion. We became close at work and I was able to confide in them over time how my husband was. They tried protecting me by keeping him from interrupting me at work. Whether it be him showing up or calling, those boys were there.
I married the man that saved me the night from my husband. I don’t want to go into details but a high speed chase ended with my girls and I at his house with the two boys standing there with guns. He developed feelings for me and of course I was shocked. I didn’t know what it would feel like to be cared for and loved. I still have flashbacks, I still have trust issues, and my husband that saved me-still needs to be careful with me sometimes because of my C-PTSD.
I understand 11’s flashbacks, issues, and what it’s like to be abused so when the final scene of the final episode showing her being brave but gone…I fucking lost it. If this comparison makes it to the screen writers and producers, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let her make it. Let her have a normal life (yeah I’m crying as I write this). I need to know if I’ll ever have a normal life. And before you ask…I kept watching because I needed to know that she was OK. Am I ok?