Toxic Friendships

I finally did it! I am so proud of myself and could care less about the consequences coming my way. As I have mentioned before my husband rides in a club. When there are events the women pull together and cook. What I pictured was that all these women, in their property of vests, in a kitchen laughing, cooking, and giving each other secret recipes, and tricks that could be used in cooking. WRONG! What it really means is that the woman who can cook the best does all the work and others take credit for her hard work.

Being from the South, I have been asked to cook biscuits and gravy, collard greens, honey cornbread, BBQ, cornbread stuffing, hams, etc…and I’m not talking about a small crowd either. We’re talking for 50+ men and their properties if they show up. I have done this for years and didn’t feel like I was being taken advantage of until recently and only now realize I was being naive and that this caused A LOT of anxiety.

There’s a major event coming up and my husband already told the men that I will not kill myself cooking this year because I have 2 jobs supporting our family and a new passion I’m trying to nurture. Cooking for the club, I will not do and it will not be my priority. Later that evening, one of the ‘sisters’ comes in the bar (what I now know is a false story) crying about how she will be the only one cooking for all these people and she can’t possibly do it all by herself since one sister has gone to school (fact) and another will be out of town (LIE-later learned). I told her, exhaustively, as I have already been on my feet for 8 hours, that I can cook two sides. I already knew how much food I would have to make and it would either take me all day (before work at the bar) or all night (with a 3 hour nap before work) depending on the day the event fell. My husband picked me up from work and told me that he had already told the men, NO. I was absolutely disgusted! How dare she do that, knowing that I help anyone when they reach out.

I reached out for help with getting food for my family to tie us over until I got paid from the same woman and of course she never replied. Fine, fu%& you, I got this. I decided to casually PM the sister that was going out of town and got the response, ‘I’m not going to be out of town. Who told you that?’ That’s when something snapped in me. Both of these women are quick to use me and talk about me behind my back thinking I don’t know. I confronted her on EVERYTHING from the past few years and finally told her I was done! That took a lot for me to do since they guided me through the world of being a property but not anymore. I don’t need anymore stress, obligations, or toxic friendships.

I rather eat crumbs with bums, than steaks with snakes.

Being from the South, I compare these women and their version of friendship to hard to find Copperhead snakes! You don’t know that you’re going to get hurt until you step on one.

‘I rather eat crumbs with bums, than steaks with snakes.’




If you believe that your friendships are toxic and are not bringing any joy to your life, evaluate the people and how ya’ll interact. If it’s not positive in any way, the cut ties. It’s OK to protect yourself from these individuals. You will find yourself drowning and being even more unhappy and alone. Do what’s good for your mental well being. Trust me, I feel like a weight has been lifted and feel so much better knowing I no longer have to suffer through their games that they cloak in the word of friendship.

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