May 2, 2017

Hell of a Weekend…and Beginning of Week!

I posted yesterday about saying goodbye to a girl that is more like my daughter. It wasn’t as tough as I thought it would be since I was able to put a gift crate together with a lot of thought and planning. Lack of money or low funds (positive spin because low suggests a refill) forced me to really THINK about what she would need rather than what I would want her to have. I realized I was exercising suggestions from my therapist and it felt good to be so self-aware. The only thing I was worried about and it didn’t even throw me in a frenzy of ideas was if she would like the gift. Without even asking her, she said that she really appreciated the thought and that no one else had even given her a card or letter and it was very intimate and sentimental for her. All my  worries subsided and I was able to focus on asking the big questions and just keeping conversation to quiet her fears. Such a large move and leaving so much behind is difficult for anyone of any age.

Last Thursday I worked my day job then at the bar due to a bartender calling it quits and leaving everyone in a lurch. I had a bad day at my day job and was super excited to work that night. Many of my customers were very happy to see me that night instead of having to wait another day. I have never left the bar feeling like a failure as I do almost every day at my day job.

Day job at 6:30 am Friday morning and the only thing I accomplished was a catalog and hardly any illustrator work came across my desk making for a VERY boring day. I am a Podcast junkie and have all sorts from comedy to horror to writing and even inspiration. One of my writing podcasts showcased Robin Rice and she stated, ‘There is no problem going back and editing a post that was published. You’ve overcome a challenge that most people cannot do, hitting published.’ (Side note: I REALLY REALLY wish I had the money to take her new writing course but I’ll live.) 6 pm bar tending and had such a blast. I don’t drink behind the bar now that I have prescriptions to help with my PTSD and the associating depression and anxiety. I think I enjoy my job a whole lot more at the bar without drinking. Customers are a little uncomfortable with it as they think drinking in front of me is an issue and when they offer to buy, I settle for a coke and that eases their discomfort a bit.

Saturday I had breakfast with my daughter that was leaving for Florida and her three step kids then it was off shopping for a semi formal dress with my daughter. I did a little of self care as I was out of body spray and stopped at Bath and Body and purchased some fragrances (advice well received from my therapist and I didn’t feel guilty then off to tend bar. It was a slow night but steady.

Sunday at the bar was even slower but I was able to close early and hang out with my kiddos and finish the gift crate. Which all lead into a Monday from hell at the day job but enjoyed the end of the day with a my oldest daughters band concert.

Long story short, hitting publish, self-care, and being self-aware are great things to accomplish. DO NOT hesitate in doing any of those!


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