April 26, 2017

Artboard 2@72x-100Seeing as this is my first journal entry how about a little background info? I’m a graphic designer for a family owned sports apparel business. Basically, younger blood is moving in as the baby boomers are moving out. Don’t get me wrong, I was raised to respect my elders and after today I was REALLY put to the test.

Despite the fact that I am not doing the job that I was hired for so I’m making the best out of that, I also have to deal with one elderly person in particular slandering my throughout the factory and other buildings. How did I find out about this you may ask? I was approached by one of my hiring managers asking if I have had a problem with request forms with this elderly person. I simply told him that I haven’t had any problems but now he informed me that she was trashing mouthing me to other people I simply told him that her and I DO have a problem now.

I didn’t hear much else after that as my head was flooded with buzzing white noise and all I could see was his lips moving. I forced my head to nod every now and then and he left the room. Left me to my body tensing, vision blurring, and my rapid breathing. I noticed that I started rubbing my hands on my jeans and rocking back and forth and IMMEDIATELY knew that I was headed for a full blown panic attack. I was able to get to my purse and take my medication which I now have to depend quite heavily and REALLY wish I had my service dog but relied on how fast the pharmaceutical would hit my system.

I began to relax and then started to cry because all I could feel was that I was a failure that I MUST have done my job wrong for her to talk about me like that. So I came home and did something positive. Instead of crawling in bed and crying and sleeping, I started setting up my blog. And here it is, my first blog post. Something positive out of something so negative.

I hope that tomorrow will be better and I hope that I can keep my tongue from spitting venom and my body from reacting the way it does to something as simple as basic workplace drama.

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